


A Fool for Sacrifice

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Not Expendable, Castiel-centric, Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stop Hurting Cas 2k16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5813722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of being manipulated and treated like nothing more than a useful tool, Castiel figures that nobody will care if he says yes to Lucifer. He's betrayed Sam and Dean many times before and is a traitor to his own kind, so it's only logical to assume that only good can come of his inevitable death. </p><p>He's surprised to find that Sam and Dean think very differently of the matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fool for Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Now with more Sammy! And others too!

When Castiel returns to the bunker, Sam and Dean almost immediately realize something is... off about him. Sam’s not sure what it is, but the way Cas holds himself, the way he looks at them just  _ feels _ wrong. It feels... familiar, almost. Something about the way Cas stares at him is unnerving in a way it never has been before. 

 

Dean notices it only slightly before Sam does. It happens when Cas lays a hand on Dean’s shoulder and the older hunter looks up at Cas with wariness in his eyes. He takes a step back and when Cas smiles it’s all wrong and Sam recognizes where he’s seen that smirk before. 

 

“Lucifer,” Sam breathes, fighting the instinct to run as far away as possible. He doesn’t know how the fallen archangel has managed to possess their friend, but nothing good can come of any of this. 

 

“Took you long enough, Sammy,” Lucifer taunts. Even his voice is different and Sam wonders how they didn’t see it before. 

 

“Get out of him,” Dean demands, instinctively stepping in front of his brother. It’s hard for him, to see Cas like this. He can only imagine what must be happening to the angel. A foggy memory from years and years ago resurfaces in the back of his mind, of Jimmy Novak saying that being possessed by an angel was like being chained to a comet. Dean can only wonder how much worse it is being possessed by the devil. The pain that Cas must be in makes him more determined than ever to get through to his friend, to somehow get Lucifer out of him. 

 

“I don’t think so,” Lucifer replies, sticking his hands in his pockets and stalking closer to them. They’re in the library and while the bunker is huge, there’s only so many places to run. Dean knows that they probably don’t stand a chance against Lucifer - not even mentioning the fact that he doesn’t think he can bring himself to hurt Castiel. But nonetheless, he takes out his angel blade and holds it out in front him, daring Lucifer to come closer. 

 

The devil merely chuckles and the sound sends an unpleasant chill down his spine, the hairs on his arms standing up. The reality of the situation finally hits him with full force and he has to swallow down his fear, reminding himself that he has to be brave for Sam, and for Cas. 

 

“You don’t know, do you?” Lucifer asks, stopping a few feet away from them and holding out his -  _ Castiel’s _ \- hand in front of him. He makes a fist with it, watching the way the muscles and tendons tense underneath tan skin. Lucifer smiles at them, completely wrong and not Cas at all. “Castiel said yes.” 

 

“What?” Sam manages. Cas said yes? He thinks back to the cage, wondering how and when Cas would have had the opportunity to do so. He remembers Lucifer choking Dean, threatening to kill him if Sam didn’t say yes. But then Cas had leaped to the rescue... 

 

“That’s right. Castiel’s my bitch now,” Lucifer says, cackling. “I have to say though, it’s a little disappointing. After all this talk about how dangerous Castiel has become - all the trouble he’s caused Heaven. And yet he hasn’t once put up a fight.” 

 

Lucifer taps the side of his head as if to indicate that Cas is in there somewhere. “Why do you think that is, boys?” he asks. He doesn’t give them much of a chance to answer and cuts Dean off before a word can escape his mouth. “Oh right, it’s because he thinks he deserves it. Because he hated himself enough to give himself over to me.” Lucifer claps his hands together slowly. “Bravo, Sam and Dean. You managed to break an angel. And I thought  _ I _ was cruel.” 

 

“You’re lying,” Dean seethes, grip tightening on the hilt of his angel blade. If it wasn’t Cas’ vessel that Lucifer was wearing, Dean wouldn’t hesitate to lunge at him. 

 

“I’m not, and you both know it. You should thank me. I’m doing Castiel a great service, finally telling you two imbeciles how he really feels when he was too scared to admit it,” Lucifer says, laughing airily. “I think you should know that the only reason Castiel agreed to be my vessel is because he truly believed he wouldn’t be missed.” 

 

Sam swallows and he looks away from Lucifer guiltily. He knows that he and Dean haven’t been the greatest at showing their friend how much they appreciate him. While Cas spends much more of his time with Dean than Sam, he still feels partly responsible for Cas feeling bad enough about himself that he thought saying yes was the only answer. 

 

“That’s not true,” Dean protests. Cas would never think like that, would he? Except for the fact that, yes he would. Because he’s learned everything about being human and how to act from the two of them and Dean knows very well that they’re not exactly poster children for healthy behavior. He curses internally, vowing that if -  _ when _ \- they get Cas back, he’ll tell him everything he deserves to hear. 

 

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Lucifer asks, an amused grin on his face. He glances over at Sam and nods towards him. “See? At least Sam’s not denying that he’s been a dick to the only real friend he has besides you.” 

 

“Cas, if you’re in there, I’m so sorry-” Dean starts. 

 

“Oh please. Save me the melodramatics,” Lucifer says with a bored sigh. He flicks his hand and the knife goes flying out of Dean’s hand, clattering to the ground loudly across the room. Without any way to defend themselves, he takes another few steps closer to Sam and Dean. “Castiel isn’t home right now. I don’t think he’s ever coming back, to be honest. Not that it makes a difference to either of you, now does it?” 

 

Lucifer reaches out and grabs Dean by the throat. Sam attempts to make a grab for his brother, but then the archangel merely flicks his eyes to him and the younger hunter is flung over the table and crashes into the bookshelf on the far side of the wall. Dean gasps for air and attempts to wriggle his fingers into the space between Lucifer’s hand and his neck. Lucifer just tuts playfully and squeezes harder. 

 

“You know, you two have been a real pain in my ass ever since Sammy here broke the final seal and released me all those years ago. And when I got shoved back into the cage? Well let’s just say I’ve had plenty of time to imagine all the different ways I can show you your own beating hearts,” he says, smiling wickedly. 

 

Dean’s vision starts to go spotty, just barely able to make out Sam calling his name, when suddenly the grip on his throat disappears and he falls to the ground at Lucifer’s feet. He coughs and gasps for breath, wondering why Lucifer decided to let him go. Except that when he looks up in confusion, this time it’s  _ Cas _ staring back down at him. 

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt you,” Cas assures him, the gravel in his voice strangely comforting after the strangeness of Lucifer’s lighter one. “If he harms either you or Sam, I will cast him out.” 

 

Dean doesn’t even know if Cas can do that. Sam might have been able to with Gadreel, but this is the goddamn devil they’re talking about here. Cas might be a badass angel of the Lord, but Dean knows that he’s probably not a match for Lucifer. Yet he still finds himself nodding and getting to his feet unsteadily. 

 

“Cas, you have to know we need you, right? You and me and Sam? We’re all we’ve got! You’re family, okay? You gotta believe that! You don’t have to do this! We’ll figure out how to defeat the Darkness without Lucifer,” Dean says, hoping that he sounds convincing enough. 

 

But Cas just smiles sadly, looking older than Dean’s ever seen him. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he says. He takes a breath and closes his eyes. 

 

“Cas!” 

 

“Guess again,” Lucifer replies, opening Cas’ eyes and smiling at him gleefully. “Newsflash, he didn’t believe you,” he informs him kindly. “And unfortunately, since I can’t touch you or your precious baby brother without being evicted, I think I’ll be on my merry way.” 

 

“Wait!” Sam exclaims, getting to his feet and rushing towards Lucifer despite Dean’s warning. Lucifer turns and looks at Sam, a curious eyebrow raised. Cas is in this mess because of him. If he could just make this right-

 

“Sammy, don’t you dare!” Dean snaps. “Cas is strong enough! He can fight back without our help.” 

 

“But Dean-”

 

“We owe him that much, don’t we?” Dean turns to look at Lucifer, hoping that Cas is listening too. “Cas, I know you think that we don’t need you, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Fight him, Cas! Cast him out if you can! Just please, come back to us!” 

 

Lucifer blinks and tilts his head to the side in an eerily accurate impression of Cas’ trademark confused look. But when he smiles, Dean knows that he’s still in control. His little speech wasn’t enough to help Cas break free. 

 

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Lucifer asks, shaking his head. “It’s adorable, frankly. Castiel can cast me out anytime he wants to. But that’s your problem here. He doesn’t want to. He knows that I’m the only one who can defeat the Darkness, so as long as I promise not to hurt you two, he’s going to let me ride around in his skin for however long I want.” He looks up, like he’s seen something on the ceiling, but then he says, “Isn’t that right, Castiel?” 

 

“Cas, please. Don’t do this!” Sam calls out. 

 

Lucifer turns away from them. 

 

“We’ll meet again, boys.” 

 

With a flap of wings, Lucifer - and Cas with him - disappears.

* * *

 

 

If being possessed by an angel is like being chained to a comet, being possessed by the devil is like being ripped apart by a supernova. Castiel feels as though Lucifer has brought all of Hell with him and it’s all inside him, bursting at the seams. They’ve been gone for some time now. Lucifer is searching out the Darkness and killing whoever gets in his way. Cas hates that he’s allowing the fallen angel to use him so, but if he casts him out now, then there’s no hope to defeat Amara. 

 

Besides, Cas is too overwhelmed by the pain to do much of anything about Lucifer’s actions. He’s clinging to his grace like a lifeline, trusting in it to keep him shielded from the brunt of the hellfire that’s burning inside his vessel. He suddenly feels a surge of regret and self-loathing, something that’s commonplace these days. Jimmy Novak had been subject to this - though on a substantially lesser scale - but nonetheless, Castiel had forced him to suffer through being possessed by a celestial creature. He’d known back then that it was unpleasant, but until now he never realized just how much pain he’d put the poor man through. He wonders if Jimmy is in his Heaven now, living happily with his wife. Cas dearly hopes so. He deserves to be happy after everything Cas put him through. 

 

_ It’s better this way _ , he tells himself. Sam and Dean are better off without him and maybe if he’s lucky - which he doubts - Lucifer will leave his body after defeating the Darkness and he can go on living somewhere he can’t hurt anybody else. 

 

_ You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I understand your frustration, Castiel. _

 

Cas blinks and realizes that he can hear Lucifer speaking to him in his mind. He debates whether or not to rise to the bait, but when a tendril of flame licks at his grace and singes it, he flinches and decides it’s best to just keep quiet. Lucifer seems more than capable of carrying on conversation for the both of them, anyway. 

 

_ You love humanity, which that part I don’t get. Why would you sacrifice everything you’ve known for a stinking pile of cockroaches? But I digress. You fell because of the way you felt. You loved too much. We’re one and the same, really. I mean, I loved Father more than the humans and you loved the humans more than your own kind, but it’s the same difference. _

 

_ I’m nothing like you _ , Castiel manages to grit out. 

 

_ But you are, aren’t you? You’re angry at the family that cast you out, angry that they can’t understand why you fell. The other angels are all a bunch of mindless drones, but you and I are different. We had a choice and we chose to fight and fall for what we believed in. _

 

_ Why are you saying all this? _

 

_ Because I get lonely out here by myself. And you’re annoying when you’re moping and whimpering. At least I’m trying to make friendly conversation.  _

 

_ We are  _ not _ friends, Lucifer, _ Cas snaps. 

 

_ Maybe not now- _

 

_ It’s never going to happen.  _

 

Cas can feel Lucifer shrug his shoulders. 

 

_ Suit yourself. I’m just saying, if anybody can appreciate what you’ve done and  _ why _ you did it, it’s me.  _

 

Lucifer’s presence disappears from his mind again and Cas is left alone in the furthest corner of his vessel. He’s safe here and as long as he doesn’t fight back, the pain is just on the threshold of bearable. It still hurts; he still feels like he’s being burned alive, but if he just stays put, it’s not as bad as it had been when Lucifer first possessed him. 

 

Not that it matters, he thinks. He deserves every second of pain he’s in. All he’s ever done is cause trouble for his friends and family. He’s betrayed his own kin time and time again and he’s hurt his chosen family too. Being possessed by the devil is the least he can do after betraying Sam and Dean so many times. The two hunters will be better off without him dragging them down and while part of him wishes that they cared about him the way he cares about them, he can’t blame them for it. They’d gotten along just fine before they ever met him. Ambriel and Amara were right. He’s expendable now, only useful when he’d been at full power. With his grace weakened and his wings broken, he’s nothing to Sam and Dean. 

 

Cas is dormant for most of Lucifer’s search for the Darkness. Most of the time though, Cas suspects that the archangel is simply enjoying being back on Earth rather than trying to destroy the ancient evil. Sometimes Lucifer’s presence will poke and prod at him curiously, trying to goad him into talking or at least moving from his little corner in the back of his mind. It’s getting easier to ignore him and after a while, Lucifer simply gives up. The resulting silence is nice and he starts to think that maybe he can finally relax as much as he’s able while being possessed by the devil. 

 

Until one day he hears a voice that’s far different from Lucifer’s nagging. Just the sound of it alleviates some of Cas’ pain and he perks up a bit. Dean is praying to him. 

 

_ Cas, if you can hear me, you gotta come back to us. Please. We found a way to stop the Darkness without Lucifer. We need your help... No, no that’s not it. We need  _ you _ , Cas. I need you. Please, come back to me.  _

 

“Well isn’t that interesting,” Lucifer comments, able to hear Dean’s prayer. “I suppose we should pay them a visit, huh Castiel?” 

 

_ Don’t hurt them,  _ Cas warns. Lucifer chuckles. 

 

“They’ll be fine.” 

 

Within the blink of an eye, Lucifer is standing in the bunker’s main room, next to the large map. Sam and Dean are nowhere to be found and Cas is a little confused. Lucifer sniffs the air and wrinkles his nose a bit. 

 

“You smell something?” he asks, not that Castiel would be able to tell. 

 

“Hey, assbutt!” 

 

Lucifer turns and sees Dean standing at the top of the stairs above them. He drops his lighter and a ring of holy fire ignites along the ground, surrounding him. Lucifer doesn’t seem fazed and instead he just shakes his head, frowning up at Dean. 

 

“I still don’t get that,” he comments. He turns around in the circle and sighs, staring into the flames. 

 

_ Looks like they’re the ones intent on hurting you, Castiel. I can’t leave the circle without killing us both and I bet your so called friends don’t even care as long as I’m gone. _

 

_ If they’ve truly found a way to defeat the Darkness without you, then so be it, _ Cas says, having resigned to his fate a long time ago. 

 

Suddenly, he feels a surge of pity and strangely enough, anger on his behalf. 

 

_ I don’t understand you, Castiel. Why aren’t you angry at them? You gave yourself over to them. You loved them and fell for them and they abandoned and betrayed you. And yet you’re still loyal to them. You still won’t let me hurt them, when they’re the ones who deserve it the most.  _

 

_ Because I’m not like you, Lucifer, _ Cas replies.  _ I don’t let anger and hatred control my actions. Sam and Dean are good people and they’re trying to save the world. If I must die in order for them to succeed, then it doesn’t matter what I feel. It’s the right thing to do. _

 

Lucifer laughs spitefully at him. 

 

_ I guess you’re right then. We’re nothing alike. _

 

Dean comes down the stairs and Sam appears in the doorway to the library, watching Lucifer carefully. He glances at his brother when Dean walks over. 

 

“You really think that can hold him?” he asks. 

 

“Come on Sammy, even  _ I _ can’t pass through holy fire without hurting myself,” Lucifer says. “Or Castiel, for that matter. You do realize he’s still in here, right?” 

 

“Yeah, we know,” Dean says. He takes a cautious step closer. “Cas, just hold on. We’ve got a plan. You’re going to be okay.” 

 

“Oh right. Your ‘plan’. Care to elaborate on that, Dean? How are you going to defeat the Darkness without me?” Lucifer asks, a smug look on his face. 

 

“We’ll find a way,” Dean assures him. “But not with you. We’re getting our friend back.” 

 

“So you  _ don’t _ have a plan,” Lucifer says. 

 

“Not yet. But we have a spell to send you back to the cage,” Sam replies. 

 

“Do you now? Because last time I checked, the only person capable was dead.” 

 

“I know a witch who’d beg to differ.” Crowley appears with Rowena at his side. Cas can feel Lucifer’s surprise and Cas is confused too. He’d seen Lucifer snap her neck with his own hands. Rowena had been dead. 

 

“Angels aren’t the only ones with healing powers,” Crowley informs him. “And being the son of of a witch has its perks.” He turns to Rowena and smiles at her. “Care to do the honors, Mother?” 

 

Rowena rolls her eyes, letting out a sigh. 

 

“You’re lucky this wretched contraption stops me from sending you to the cage in his place,” she mutters. The witch catcher is locked around her neck again and she reluctantly walks over to the table in the library where they have a bowl sitting on the table surrounded by several candles. She throws a few of the ingredients in, chanting the incantation and using the knife to cut her hand so that blood drips down into the bowl. Cas feels a strange tug and Lucifer does something that has Cas cringing in pain as the archangel tries to cling to his vessel. 

 

“Don’t do this!” he shouts. “I’m your only hope! If you get rid of me, you’ll never defeat the Darkness.” 

 

Rowena keeps chanting and the flames on the candles start to grow as the spell nears its completion. 

 

“Castiel will die if you send me back!” 

 

Dean turns to Rowena. “Stop!” 

 

She pauses and glares at the two Winchesters. 

 

“Is he right?” Dean asks, glancing between her and Lucifer. 

 

The witch catcher forces her to tell the truth and she grudgingly admits, “No, he won’t die. The spell leaves the vessel relatively unharmed. The most you’d have to deal with is possible damage to the soul, but Castiel’s grace should be strong enough to make it through.” 

 

Dean sighs in relief and he nods. 

 

“Then keep going.” 

 

Rowena turns back to the table and continues the spell. Cas feels that foreign pull of dark magic and Lucifer grasps onto him even as it drags him in the other direction. It hurts - possibly even worse than the hellfire that Lucifer carries with him - and he lets out a shrill cry as Lucifer is ripped out of his skin and sent back to the cage. His grace feels like it’s been torn apart and he’s aware of his body collapsing in the ring of holy fire, the world spinning dangerously. 

 

“Cas!” 

 

He feels water being splashed over him and the flames sputter out while Dean crouches down and gathers him gently in his arms. Cas groans and when he opens his eyes, it’s actually him doing it. He’s in control again. 

 

“Cas, are you okay?” Sam asks. 

 

“Well, our part is done here. Let’s go, Mother.” 

 

Cas sees Crowley and Rowena disappear, but Sam and Dean don’t pay any mind to them. They’re both kneeling next to him and he can see their faces staring down at him in concern. 

 

“Why?” he manages to croak. “Why did you do it? We’ll never defeat Amara now.” 

 

“We’ll figure it out, Cas,” Sam assures him. “Right now we’re just concerned about you.” 

 

Even though he’s in the cage again, Cas feels as though he can still hear Lucifer whispering in his ear.  _ Liars. They’re lying to you, Castiel. They don’t care about you. They just want to use your powers and as soon it becomes clear you can’t help them, they’ll toss you aside like everyone else. _ Cas knows it’s his own mind deceiving him, but that doesn’t make the message any less true. 

 

Cas struggles to his feet, swaying and bracing a hand against the wall until he can trust himself to stand on his own again. 

 

“You should not have sent him back,” Cas says. “I’m not strong enough to defeat Amara. I can’t help you.” 

 

“That doesn’t matter, Cas,” Dean insists. “We’re together again. That’s all I care about.” 

 

Dean sounds so sincere and Cas desperately wants to believe him, but he knows what will happen if he does stay and help. Inevitably, he’ll make another bad decision and it’ll lead to Sam and Dean getting hurt, or worse. He can’t do it again. He has to leave, for their own good. 

 

But as soon as he takes a step, his legs give out and Dean grabs him before he can hit the ground. 

 

“Whoa, where’re you going, man? You gotta rest,” Dean says. “Sam, help me with him.” 

 

Together, Sam and Dean help him to his room and lay him down on the bed. He shivers when they pull the covers over him and he’s shocked to realize that he’s cold. He’d gotten so used to being surrounded by fire that the absence of it is like being soaked in ice water. Dean lays a hand on his forehead and he leans into the warmth before he remembers that he’s only inconveniencing them more like this. But when he tries to get up, they both push him back onto the bed. 

 

“Cas, take it easy. Your grace probably took a beating when we sent Lucifer back to the cage. You need time to recuperate,” Sam tells him. 

 

“I don’t understand why you care,” Cas mumbles, turning away from the both of them. “My wellbeing has never mattered to you before.”. 

 

“Where’d you get that idea?” he asks. 

 

Cas remains silent and he tugs the blankets closer to himself. He’s counting on the fact that they’ll eventually leave him alone if he doesn’t have anything to offer them. He hears Dean sigh and he waits for the hunter to leave, but he’s surprised when he’s turned onto his back by the other’s hand. 

 

“What Lucifer said... you know it’s not true, right? He’s the devil. Lying is what he does,” Dean assures him. Whether unconsciously or not, Dean lays his hand on Cas’ arm, rubbing gently. “I need you, Cas.  _ We _ need you. You’re family, remember?” 

 

Cas stares up at him and Sam, unable to detect any sort of deception. They’re telling the truth. Or at least their version of it. The real truth is something Cas has known for a while and Sam and Dean don’t need words to tell him what it is. It’s been clear in the way that they’ve never called him just to ask him how he’s doing. It’s always about a case or about what information he can offer them about their latest enemy. It was clear in the way that they see him as just a ‘baby in a trench coat’ without his powers and when Dean told him that nobody cared if he was broken. 

 

Lucifer might have lied about some things, but deep down, Cas knew that at least some of what he was saying was true. Sam and Dean have never needed  _ him _ . It was only ever his power they needed. 

 

“Right,” Cas mutters bitterly. “Though I’m certain you say that to everyone you feel the need to use.” 

 

“Cas, you know that’s not true,” Sam says. 

 

“Then why do you never take me on hunts with you? Why do you only call when you need something from me? Why is it that I didn’t even know that you and Dean were talking to Lucifer until the moment Amara sent me to you with that message? I would think talking to the devil would be something you would tell your ‘family’ about!” 

 

He swallows hard and if he weren’t weak as a kitten, he’d be leaving the room. 

 

“Lucifer wasn’t lying,” he admits. “I said yes because... because I knew that it wouldn’t matter if I did.” 

 

He’s frustrated to find angry tears welling up in his eyes and he turns away from them again, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. 

 

“Cas-” 

 

“Leave me alone. Stop acting like you care if I’m broken.” 

 

His statement shuts them both up and while he can’t see it, he still knows that they’re probably looking at each other with that guilt ridden expression on their faces. He feels the weight on the bed shift as Dean gets up. The other two talk in hushed voices and Cas doesn’t care to listen in to their conversation as the door clicks shut quietly. Cas assumes he’s alone until he hears a soft sigh from near the door. 

 

“You’re not broken, Cas,” Dean murmurs. “I should have never said that to you.” 

 

“Then why did you?” Cas asks, staring at the wall. He hears Dean sigh and then there’s a hand on his arm, a barely there touch but grounding all the same. 

 

“I was frustrated at the whole situation. You weren’t yourself then and I... I just wanted you to be better. I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean it. I’ve always cared about you.” 

 

Cas closes his eyes and he feels Dean’s hand fall away after a few moments. 

 

“I... I should probably just go,” Dean says. “Last thing you probably want is me making excuses for how badly we’ve treated you.” 

 

He hears Dean walking away again and it’s a sound he’s always hated. He’s sick of Dean leaving - of them being apart more often than not these days. 

 

“Please stay,” Cas whispers, not even sure if he’s loud enough for Dean to hear him. 

 

But the door never creaks open and eventually he opens his eyes and turns around. Sam has gone, which is probably the result of whatever their whispered conversation was about earlier. Dean looks a little awkward standing alone at the end of Cas’ bed and Cas smiles a bit, patting the space next to him. 

 

“You can sit down,” he tells him. Dean nods and he comes over and sits next to Cas, looking down at him with an odd expression on his face. He reaches out and Cas reigns in a gasp as Dean’s hand cups his cheek. 

 

“We do this a lot, don’t we?” Dean asks. If Cas didn’t know better, he’d almost say Dean looked shy. 

 

“Do what?” 

 

Dean strokes his thumb along Cas’ cheek and smiles nervously. 

 

“This. Touching each other. I never noticed until recently,” he mumbles. He surprises Cas by lying down next to him and he may or may not let out an involuntary squeak when Dean pulls him closer. “Before all this, when I was sick because of that mass smiting thing? I noticed then how you touch me. Like... like I’m something fragile. Like something precious.” 

 

Cas swallows hard and Dean’s eyes drift to the column of his throat, then his lips and finally back to his eyes. 

 

“Because you are,” he says. He summons his courage and lays a hand on Dean’s shoulder - the one where he’d gripped the righteous man and raised him from perdition. Dean chuckles lightly at that and Cas frowns in confusion. “What?” 

 

“That’s how I knew,” he says. “That it wasn’t you. Lucifer grabbed the wrong shoulder.” 

 

It might be the lighting, but Dean’s cheeks look a little flushed and Cas wonders if he looks any different. 

 

“You... you always touch my left shoulder,” Dean continues. “Is that because that’s where your handprint used to be?” 

 

Cas smiles and shrugs. 

 

“I never gave it much thought. But it would make sense, wouldn’t it?” 

 

Dean nods and he smiles, leaning in even closer. They’re so close they’re sharing the same breath and Cas can feel his eyes drifting closed. 

 

“Things don’t make sense in our lives, Cas. But this? This does,” Dean whispers. 

 

Cas’ heart leaps in his chest and he can’t stand being apart from Dean for another second. He closes the miniscule space between them, heat blossoming in his grace as Dean’s lips move against his. It’s been a long time since he’s had use of his wings but he still feels as though he’s flying high up above the clouds. 

 

Dean’s hand slides up into his hair, gripping the back of his head gently as he pulls Cas flush against his body. Cas grips the hunter’s shoulder and for a second, he can feel that spark of his grace inside Dean’s soul left behind after pulling him out of Hell. He smiles and squeezes gently, the hunter’s muscles firm beneath his touch. 

 

When Dean pulls away, Cas unconsciously follows and he hears Dean chuckle at his enthusiasm. He opens his eyes and his heart skips a beat when he sees how Dean is looking at him. There’s happiness and hope and a little bit of fear. And something else that Cas doesn’t dare put a name to. 

 

“Cas, I gotta tell you, man. This?” he says, nodding to indicate the two of them with a look the hunter would probably classify as ‘freaked out’. “This kinda scares me a little. I don’t... I don’t know what to do.” 

 

Cas smiles and he leans in so their noses are brushing against each other. Something as simple as that makes him blush and he distracts himself by concentrating on his next words. 

 

“We’ll just do what we’ve always done. We’ll make it up as we go.” 

 

Dean laughs softly and he brushes a hand through Cas’ hair. 

 

“That sounds like us, huh?” he says. Cas hums in agreement and Dean combs fingers through his hair for a while before his expression grows a tone more serious. “Hey. You know I need you, right?” 

 

Cas squirms and looks away from him, hoping that Dean would have forgotten about that. 

 

“Yes, well... I still don’t know how we’re going to beat the Darkness without-”

 

“Hey, enough about that. We’ll make it up as we go, right?” Dean asks, a nervous grin on his face. “Don’t worry about it, Cas.” 

 

Cas nods and he worries at his bottom lip with his teeth. 

 

“Tell me that you’re doing this because you want to. Not because you think I need cheering up,” Cas mumbles. He isn’t sure when he fell in love with Dean, but it feels as though there’s never been a time where he hasn’t loved the hunter. To have him here in his room, in his arms, is more than he could ever ask. But he doesn’t want it if Dean is only here to make him feel better about himself. 

 

“Of course I want to, Cas,” Dean assures him. The immediate answer calms Cas somewhat and he relaxes into Dean’s touch again. “I know I’m not good at... at this whole thing. But I want it. I want you, Cas. Not because of what you can do or how you can help us, but because you’re you.” 

 

Cas nods and he doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he pushes closer to Dean, nestling against his side and wrapping an arm around him. 

 

“You’re not a tool,” Dean continues. “You’re an angel and more importantly, you’re part of our family. I need you, and Sam needs you.” He presses a kiss to Cas’ forehead and he takes a deep breath. “And I love you, so don’t you dare think that I wouldn’t care if you were gone. I’ve already lost the rest of my family. I can’t lose you too. Not... not again.” 

 

Dean tilts Cas’ chin up and he presses another soft kiss to his lips. Cas can feel his heart thrumming in his chest and he slides his hand up into Dean’s hair. The world narrows down to all the places they’re touching and he gets lost in the feeling of Dean’s lips on his and Dean’s hands in his hair. Before he knows it, Dean is straddling his hips, pressing kisses to his throat. There’s something like desperation in the way Dean touches him that has a lump forming in Cas’ throat. 

 

“Dean...” Cas breathes, eyes fluttering shut as Dean nips at a sensitive spot on his neck. 

 

“You’re so amazing, Cas,” Dean murmurs, pausing long enough to whisper endearments against the angel’s skin. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you. You’re so good, angel.” When Cas shakes his head in denial, Dean moves back up and kisses him deeply. “You are,” he affirms when he pulls back. Cas stares up at him, breathless, and Dean smiles down at him. “You’re  _ good _ , Castiel.” 

 

Cas inhales shakily and Dean’s face blurs as his eyes grow wet. The hunter smiles and he wipes away the tears that roll down Cas’ cheeks. 

 

“I’ll tell you every day until you believe me,” Dean promises. Cas nods and closes his eyes as Dean plants a kiss on his forehead. A soft sob escapes him and Dean soothes him, thumb stroking his cheek gently. 

 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. I’ll always have you, Cas.” 

 


End file.
